There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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