i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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