Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Randomize
