I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
