If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
