I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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