i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
