i think my mom watched the whole time
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
