think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's blow job season.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
