I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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