I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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