I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
