apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
