its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
