Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
