he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
