yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
