She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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