I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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