Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
