Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
