My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Randomize
