I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
