Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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