I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
