What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
