there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
