Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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