Nicole vs. Life
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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