Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
