so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
