This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I have peed in a lot of sinks
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
