got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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