If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
