PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
