My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
