ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
