There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
