sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
