there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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