the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
