You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
