he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
