I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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