I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
