the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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