i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
