This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
