"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
