8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
