Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
