whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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